Snuffy

GOOD KITTY

I have a pet cat that's half bobcat. He's big, mean, and half wild, and likes to kill about half of his diet. If it isn't still kicking when he eats it, it just doesn't taste the same. Well yesterday some Jehovah's witnesses showed up at my door, completely ignoring the NO TRESPASSING sign posted in huge blood red letters right in front of them. I think they must believe God will protect them from angry landowners. I was right in the middle of reaming them for having the gall to come on my property, when suddenly my bobcat showed up at my feet looking kinda sickly. I tried to ignore it, but he started retching right there on the spot..why do cats do that? Do they think their masters need to watch? Anyway, after a huge lurch he let fly with something totally obscene looking that splatted on the concrete next to my boot. I jumped back instinctively in disgust, and the two witnesses screeched in horror and leapt backward about a yard a piece.

Fortunately their heads were turned in disgust when I realized that the "thing" he had eaten and subsequently couldn't stomach, had nappy black hair all over it. I looked at it in shock and amazement, my mind racing. Then thinking quickly, I kicked it under a bush. The bobcat looked at me as if I'd lost my mind..you know, that quizzical look they get when you do something that amazes them..like levitate or suddenly grow feathers out your ass. That kind of look. It was as if he was asking, "Now why'd you go and do that? That was a perfectly good chunk of nigger, and I'm sure I can keep it down on the next try!" Well to me it looked about as appetizing as a bag of scabs, but cats will be cats...

The Jeehossofats as I like to call 'em made tracks, retching as they staggered down my driveway, and I was proud of my cat for running them off for me. I kept shouting "AMEN!" after them until they were out of sight. I didn't have the stomach to watch Tom go back to his meal, but over the past couple of months I've been hearing strange, high pitched sounds real late at night that sound for all the world like someone gurgling "Muthafugga!" And I've noticed that the cat hasn't been eating much of his food lately. He just lays around and sleeps all day and goes out at night when he hears rap music playing outside. Hmmmmm... Good kitty.....

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX JOOM


Little Jane: I failed my biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name
something commonly found in cells. Black People was the wrong answer!